Thursday, July 29, 2010

Final word on that THOR trailer.

Yeah, so as I said, THOR is the grand-daddy of Superhero Fight Comics so the THOR movie should be the grand-daddy of Superhero Fight Movies. And in another, better, dimension, it will be... 

Wham! Punchy half-wit Thor fights a load of Frost Giants after being manipulated into it by his dick foster-bro Loki, and fucks them right up. Zoom! Thor is cast out of Asgard by Pirate Tony Hopkins for starting a war with the Frosties. "I'm not angry, just disappointed" he screams as he punches his son in the face. Ouch! Thor crashes on Earth in 1103, reborn as a scrawny limping physicist. Trippy! He is reborn in this way, over and over again, working on being humble and shit, until it's 2011, and he's Dr Donald Blake, the humblest fucker anyone's ever met.  Meanwhile!  The war against the Frosties isn't going well. 900+ years of fighting gigantic freezing bastards has changed Asgard from an Olivier Coipel-lookin' medieval utopia to a Kirby/Simonson lookin' Death Star. Everyone is dressed in crazy EXCALIBUR-lookin' armour with Bryan Hitch-lookin' neon bits.  Oh Shit! Loki realises Pirate Tony Hopkins is on the verge of forgiving now-humble foster-bro and recalling him to the fray, so he puts his foster-da out of the game before anyone else can figure shit out. Double shit!  It looks like Donnie Blake is about to find the hammer, which has conveniently just turned up under his waiting room and shit.  Loki sends the Destroyer to fuck shit up. Etc! Cue fight after glorious fight, The Wrecking Crew! The Warriors Three! Ulik! Mangog! as Loki sends every bastard between Asgard and New Mexico to slow down Newly Restored Hitch-lookin' Thor, as he inexorably heads up the Rainbow Bridge (yeah, you heard, the fucking Rainbow Bridge, what of it?) to fuck up his snidey shit of a foster-bro, end the war with the Frosties by being incredibly humble and polite, and restore his aul' da Pirate Tony Hopkins, who was played by Brian Blessed all along. The fucking end! Music by Jimmy fucking Page.


cerebus660 said...

Damn, that shits coooool!!!! etc. etc.