Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Two news stories I'm nicking from Heidi MacDonald

1. Paul Pope to move into animation? If so, here's hoping it's to make a movie of THB - one lone schoolgirl and her big rubber android versus a fascist government on Mars. What's not to love? Wonder if anyone else has noticed the rudimentary animations Pope has done before for the Jon Spencer side project Heavy Trash? Does that count?

2. PREACHER keeps moving onward at HBO. Arseface ahoy!

I was also going to link to the recent J K Rowling story doing the rounds, but couldn't be arsed. The short version is - I figured out how book seven is going to end after reading book six anyway: if you really must hear my theory, feel free to harangue me about it by email, or buy me a beer.


Brandon said...

IOU one Lindeman's Geuze.

Please spill the beans.

Mark said...

I'd have been happy enough with a pint of plain old Guinness, but a theoretical promise of a fancy wheat beer gets you this:

Remember the pursuit of the horocrux, Salazar Slytherin's locket, that led to Dumbledore's death in book 6? The one that was replaced by a fake by someone initialled R.A.B (rumoured to be Sirius Black's brother Regulus, but we'll see about that)? Found with the note "To the Dark Lord - I know I will be dead long before you read this but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match you will be mortal once more. R.A.B."?

Then there's the prophesy "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows
not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives...the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies...

The power that "the Dark Lord knows not" is that someone (probably Sirius, possibly with Snape's help, and probably without the knowledge of Harry's parents, and definitely driving the poor guy a little bit doolally) has embued Harry with the part of Voldemort's soul previously contained in the missing locket.

He's now a living Horicrux, and as long as he lives, some aspect of Voldemort will always survive. Realising this, Harry will die heroically in the knowledge that his final act will free his world of his mortal enemy forever.

Mark my words, this is how it'll play out. But keep this theory under your hat, 'cus Joanne'll freak when she realises someone's figured it out and leaked it. And then I'll never get to bang her.

All librarians are geeks for Harry Potter. It's in our contracts.

Brandon said...

I used to work in a bookstore, and we would get the new Harry Potter a few days in advance. Opening the boxes was supposedly a firing offense, but anybody who was interested usually had the book read by the release date.

Since my store closed back in January, I'm starting to go through BookMaster withdrawals. I used to know all the releases-months in advance. Oh, how I envy you...

Anyway, thanks for the knowledge. I now have information to tease my wife with. She says she doesn't like spoilers, but she always gives in.

Stray Taoist said...

Duh, we all knew HP was going to be the final whore-crux of the book. Even my children saw that coming. Unless we are all wrong.

But now you have had the courage to say it, I shall say it in public too, just to piss off the HP fans. Why, dear God, why? The books truly blow huge chunks of awfulness. She needs an editor, someone that can say 'see thon last book? Remove a bazillion pages and you might have a few words which don't suck'.

I hate them. Boring, badly written and a chore to read. Worse, I read them aloud to my children, and they stand up less to that. (OK, so the only reason I read them was my five year old read the first one when it came out and said it would make a good bedtime story for his siblings.)

Oh, and at the top of my blogroll is a friend of mine, Basia. She used to live (but not in a hubbahubba sense, alas) with Joanne. In Portugal. Sun, babes. And this was yonks ago, probably before her faced got stretched.

Yes, I am just bitter.

QUINNER said...


Mark said...

The "needs more editing" claim is only really true of the stuff after PRISONER, the last in the series with real tautness. And yes, she can write some pretty lumpy prose. But I'd still rather recommend the Harry Potter books to kids than treacly Tolkien or bash-you-over-the-head-with-the-subtext Lewis.

Yeah, I couldn't believe that I've never seen the HP-as-last-Horocrux speculation actually written down anywhere else before either. And I checked Wikipedia, home of the spoiler. As such, fuck it, I'm claiming authorship of the theory. Hear that, ma? Top of the world!

geoff said...

i remember seeing the first matrix film (it was actually a vhs from mark one xmas) and thinking, "ah, a messianic story."

so why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why didn't the cretins i saw the last film of the trilogy with at the cinema (not by choice mind, they just happened to be there) realise that he'd die at the end?

Anonymous said...

"Wonder if anyone else has noticed the rudimentary animations Pope has done before for the Jon Spencer side project Heavy Trash?"

nevermind that! look at those quifs!